Awkward Rules: Navigating complex, irregular, or unfamiliar urban environments

I sent this over to the friendly folks at www.awkwardrules.net for consideration.

Example—You head underground to take a Manhattan subway from midtown to the lower west side. Upon exiting the train at the desired stop, assuming you’ve made it that far, you now have the task of spatially re-orientating yourself and choosing the proper course to your destination, all while minimizing time spent deliberating and avoiding damaging blows to the illusion that you know where you are and what you’re doing.

Figure 01 – Overview (notice cracked-out follow-walker)

Figure 02 – Come to grips with the massive problem you are about to face (avoid conspicuous expression if possible)

Figure 03 – Real-time awkwardness avoidance

There are a variety of variables that need to be optimized

• Maintain posture, expression, direction, and pace such that it appears that you know exactly where you are going
• Mentally create and navigate spatial models and estimate probabilities that you should be heading in a direction other than the current heading
• Minimize time and distance lost if you determine that a course change is necessary

If deciding to change course—bailing on your current direction—it must be inconspicuous. Abruptly doing a 180 degree turn could create substantial awkwardness for you and those around you—that would be downright reckless. The awkwardness factor increases with the amount of time spent in close proximity of other walkers, and especially if you have exchanged casual remarks with anyone around you.

Here are some strategies:

1. Wait until you come to an intersection or crosswalk, and then cross the street to head the other direction. If the next opportunity to cross is too far away, you may try to cross right where you are
2. Walk around the block
3. Find a lamp post, doorway, other object to lean against until those who were walking in your proximity are out of range, and then you can resume walking (in the opposite direction) without anyone noticing your change of direction
4. Pull out your phone and make it seem like the person giving you directions is a total idiot. Broadcast the idiocy by shaking your head, rolling your eyes, and throwing your hands up in disbelief
5. Use a newfangled 3D pedestrian navigation app for your smartphone, but be careful to frequently check for obstacles lest you smack into a lamppost, turning vehicle, newspaper box, or other walker while staring dumbly at your phone